WAUKESHA, WI — Within the halls of every school and the homes in every community lives a child who’s currently walking the same tortured path that Gabrielle O’Neil once had to walk.

When Gabby was 10 years old, she began to wonder what it felt like to die. “It wasn’t emotionally charged, I was really rational about it,” she said. Yet by the time she was 17 years old, the stressors of life stacked one upon another — until she broke. “I was just left to my own devices,” she said. “At the time, I felt, ‘This is how life is. I have no road map, and I can’t live forever.'”

The same rationale that made Gabby question what it would feel like to die at age 10 grew and intensified as she navigated her teenage years. “The process was matter-of-fact: I have to die,” she said.

1 In 5 Teens Struggles With Mental Health

For many parents, raising a child who is in the midst of a mental health crisis can be overwhelming. Parents can feel powerless as they watch their child struggle with suicidal thoughts and intentions in the midst of a mental health condition such as anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder or many others.

A mental health crisis can become intertwined with substance abuse when a teen’s search for a coping mechanism leads them to experiment with drugs or alcohol. A parent’s hope of finding the right treatment plan can be just as difficult as finding the right thing to say to a struggling son or daughter in the midst of a crisis.

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, one in five teens lives with mental health conditions. Fewer than half get help, and more than 4,000 teens die from suicide every year. Health officials stress teens who see warning signs in themselves or friends need to be taken seriously, and at the very least must be shown the options for how to get help.

Suicide Prevention Is About Opening Up

Gabby is thankful she is one of the survivors. Today, at 33, she is a writer, artist, athlete and has worked as a peer specialist for National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) Waukesha and NAMI Milwaukee. She’s partnered with Mental Health America and Wisconsin Initiative for Stigma Elimination. She’s been a youth mentor, volunteer and activist.

Her journey is the product of hard work — and it’s never over. “I feel very comfortable with my thoughts because I know what to do to prevent myself from getting to a dangerous stage, but I still know I can go from zero to 100 in 10 minutes,” she said. “I know myself. If I feel unsafe, I know what to do.”

Mary Madden, executive director for the National Alliance on Mental Illness in Waukesha, met O’Neil about two years ago — and their encounter came at just the right time.

As demand in the county for suicide prevention and educational programming was growing by leaps and bounds, Madden was looking to find a new guest speaker for Youth Stories of Hope — a 40-minute public education program in which speakers share compelling personal stories about living with mental health conditions during their youth.

Gabby has shared her life story with patients at hospitals for those undergoing outpatient therapy, and before students in the classroom.

“High school can seem like torture. I just try to give students a perspective, heightened empathy. The education part for those who don’t struggle has been necessary for reducing stigma,” she said. “They see my cutting scars, and they know I’m going to talk to them. It’s valuable having more people who have lived experience facilitating conversations.”

Programs like Stories of Hope function by starting conversations about mental health. Officials say opening up — whether you’re a person who is struggling or not — is key in reducing stigma and increasing the likelihood teens will seek mental health care when they need it

“From the minute she started, she was a phenomenal speaker,” Madden said. “Her story is so powerful and engaging for teens because she struggled as a teen. People really connected with that.”

Every Ninth Hour

In Wisconsin, suicide is a public health crisis that claims one life every nine hours, on average. In 2017, Wisconsin saw 918 people die by suicide across all age groups. It’s the second-leading cause of death for people between ages 15 and 34, and is the third-leading cause of death for people in their early parenting years between 35 and 44 years old.

While more than 78 percent of Wisconsin’s suicide deaths in 2017 were male, 60 percent of the approximately 4,800 people who were hospitalized with self-harm injuries the same year were female.

According to the Wisconsin Department of Public Instruction, youth suicide is one of the most pressing problems facing schools and their communities. Information collected in a 2017 Youth Risk Behavior Study found 16.4 percent of all public high school students considered suicide, and 7.8 percent of all students attempted it.

According to the survey, six out of every 10 students who attempted suicide reported being bullied either in-person or through social media or texting. The survey also reported that nearly half of these students reported being raped or encountering dating violence.

Teen Struggles Are ‘Common And Treatable’

When O’Neil looks back at her teenage years, she remembers thinking her life situation was normal.

“My dad left, we were really poor, my mother was working three jobs and was very sick,” she said. “I was home-schooled my whole life and at the time I was struggling with my sexuality. I thought to myself, ‘If my mom can work three jobs, why can’t I handle this?'”

The belonging that most people her age felt in a peer environment never materialized. Her social isolation intensified, and with it a heightened emotional despair. The vocabulary needed to express the way she was feeling was still years away. She learned to hide the way she felt, including recurring thoughts of self-harm. “I learned to be silent — that’s dangerous,” she said.

By the time she was 17 years old, the depression she experienced became so great that she made her first attempt on her life.

“A lot of times people enter suicide discussions at a crisis stage,” O’Neil said, looking back at her first experience. “My family first learned when I first attempted to take my own life. There was no indication. There were things, but not that anyone was looking for. I felt like I was going to get into trouble if I talked about it.”

Back then, she says she had no idea the struggles she was encountering were common — and treatable.

Whenever O’Neil stands before a group of teens in order to share her personal story of trial and recovery, her hope is always to make an impact.

“If I was a teen, I’d want someone out there who gets it,” she said. “When I’ve talked with people, they say it’s been important to talk to someone with lived experience. They want someone to say that it’s OK. It doesn’t make you bad, dangerous or sick. It makes you human.”

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Related Resources

Suicide Prevention Lifeline — The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress, prevention and crisis resources for you or your loved ones, and best practices for professionals.

National Alliance On Mental Illness Ending the Silence — Ending the Silence is a presentation that helps audience members learn about the warning signs of mental health conditions and what steps to take.

Wisconsin Department of Public Instruction Youth Suicide Prevention — As part of the state’s effort to provide mental health resources, state educators have assembled several resources for parents and their children.

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How To Help

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, here are six guidelines to follow if a teen shares that he or she is experiencing suicidal thoughts or behaviors:

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, here are 10 warning signs to watch for a person who may be struggling with a mental health crisis:

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The Menace Of Bullies: Patch Advocacy Reporting Project

As part of a national reporting project, Patch has been looking at society’s roles and responsibilities in bullying and a child’s unthinkable decision to end their own life in hopes we might offer solutions that save lives.

Selected Stories From The Project

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