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The John Report: Talking Smack for 05/07/10 (Swagger/Kane)

The John Report: Talking Smack for 05/07/10 (Swagger/Kane)

Taped from North Charleston, South Carolina let’s talk some smack…

Matt Hardy came out, said even though he’s hurt he’s not backing down from Drew McIntyre. He called Drew out. They brawled a bit in a realistic way, Drew got the upperhand when the refs failed to hold him correctly and he was able to cheapshot Matt. It’s such a coincidence that the heel always gets to break free during this brawls huh? Amazing. Old dudes like Mike Rotunda, Tony Garea and Ricky Steamboat came out to break it up. Didn’t work. Drew kept at it. Long came out, said he was suspended. Drew kept at it. Said he would be stripped of the IC title. He kept going. Long said he was fired. Crowd popped huge for it. The angle worked well. They escorted Drew to the back. You know what I liked about this? The announcers weren’t talking over it. They let the action speak. On Raw Cole would be barking out shit that would ruin the moment. Why do they produce the announcers so different on Raw & Smackdown? It puzzles me.

They showed Drew backstage and he talked about how he was the Chosen One of Vince, so we’ll see who’s fired. I like the angle. I’m also stunned that people actually emailed me asking if he was really fired. No he’s not. He got married to Tiffany recently, so I guess this is their way of giving them a week or two off. He’ll come back, probably because Hardy wants to fight him to show his fighting spirit, and we’ll likely see Drew pushed higher up the card as a result of this. I like the angle. It has a freshness to it. I think it’ll be good for both Drew and Matt long term.

Backstage, Long said he had never seen anything like that and he didn’t know his plans for the title. We would find out, playa.

MVP d. Luke Gallows (*)
Not along match. About five minutes. MVP won after Mysterio came out of the crowd and hit Punk with a DDT. That distracted Gallows, which allowed MVP to finish him off with the Play of the Day that is basically the same thing at Shelton Benjamin’s Paydirt. Jump up, grab the head, take a back bump and drive the head into the mat. Punk was pissed as we went to break.

They had a back and forth promo with Punk & Mysterio. They mentioned how they were tied with one win each on PPV (Rey at WM, Punk at ER), so why not settle it at Over The Limit? The idea behind the promo was good with Rey trying to push Punk’s buttons while asking why Serena & Luke are bald, yet Punk had his hair. I thought Punk was fantastic through the whole thing. He started out as the arrogant heel, then turned into something of a wimp when Mysterio called him on his hypocritical behavior. Punk’s in such a zone right now while Mysterio is a very good opponent for him. At Over The Limit it’s Punk’s hair versus Mysterio joining the SES. I’m guessing Rey wins. Punk goes bald.

Michelle & Layla d. Kelly Kelly & Tiffany Tiffany (1/2*)
Wow, they recapped an “angle” from Superstars where the mean girls called Kelly the name of “Smelly Kelly.” What’s funny about that is somebody got paid to think of that idea and somebody thought it was a great idea to put on television. That’s creative! Let’s call the babyface team “The Token Blondes.” I think that’s creative too. Anyway, Tiffany got beat up, Kelly came in, botched a handspring elbow that even the edits of Smackdown couldn’t cover up and after Michelle kicked Tiffany in the back and Layla actually won a match with a neckbreaker. I’d say Tiffany’s better than Kelly in ring although that’s not saying a lot. The crowd was pretty dead for all this. Where was Beth? On Superstars this week.

Backstage, Teddy Long said there’d a be a mini tourney for the IC title with two matches tonight: Kofi vs. Dolph and Christian vs. Cody. Winners face off next week.

Kofi Kingston d. Dolph Ziggler (**1/2)
Can they stop with the West Ghana stuff for Kofi? The guy was born there, but he moved to Boston before he was even in school. It’s a pleasure watching Kofi wrestle when you don’t have Michael Cole busting out that annoying “controlled frenzy” shit. Then again, Matt Striker calling him the “spring loaded superstar” (meaning he can jump) isn’t much better. Here’s the problem with Dolph using the sleeper as a finisher. The moves to wear down the guy’s head are as boring as a sleeper, so the crowd dies a lot when he’s on offense. Fans today are used to the 5 minute specials. When you bust out chin locks every minute like Dolph does they’re not going to give a shit. Kofi won with Trouble in Paradise after about 12 minutes. You can see how happy he is to be off Raw, where he got completely buried. The move to SD is a very good thing for Kofi.

I feel like going off on a tangent here. It’s Mother’s Day tomorrow and I have a thought. Ever wonder what the kids that were adopted by a famous rich person like Angelina Jolie gets her for Mother’s Day? Maybe on the card they write something like, “Thank God you picked me!” I wonder about things like that. What about the other kids that she was close to adopting, but she chose another one instead? What are they thinking on Mother’s Day? “What a bitch!” Look out Angelina. Kids grow up. This would make a great reality show. Possible titles? “Adopt This!” or “_____ Ruined My Life” and you can insert the name of the celebrity. I’d watch. (I emailed this idea to ESPN.com’s Bill Simmons, my favorite sports writer, because it’s right up his alley.)

Christian d. Cody Rhodes (***1/4)
This reminded me of when Christian was carrying ECW and having three star matches all the time. Can somebody explain to me how they still have “Legacy” in the entrance of Cody? They broke up two months ago. The other two guys aren’t even on the show. Nobody in WWE notices this? The match was pretty good with Cody on offense for much of it and Christian doing a great job with his comebacks. I think Christian going to TNA really made him better in the ring for whatever reason. It’s not like he was bad in WWE before. He’s simply better now. Better offense, better timing, better counters and he does a really good job of getting the crowd behind him. The finish was good with Cody hitting a moonsault press onto Christian, which shocked the hell out of everybody including me. I was stunned that he hit it. Christian was able to come back by pushing him into the ring post and then hitting the Killswitch for the win. Good finish to a very solid 14 minute match.

These last two matches are why I like Smackdown. Solid in ring action. Next week: Kofi vs. Christian. Sounds like a match of the week to me. I assume they get 12-15 minutes. I’m not sure who will win. I’ll go with Kofi, though.

Swagger was in the ring doing his bragging and they actually went to commercial during it because they said he’d probably still be there. That was funny. I’m not sure about if his facts were true. I’d say no. As a reader pointed out last week, harping on what a heel says in wrestling is a waste of time. That’s true. I guess because Swagger appears to be portrayed as a legit athlete (which he is, of course) rather than a caricature character like the Million Dollar Man was for example.

Kane d. Jack Swagger via DQ (*)
I wasn’t a fan of this. They had zero chemistry and it was clear here that Swagger’s got a long way to go to where’s able to have good matches with bigger opponents. With smaller guys it’s perfect for him because it works for his offense, but with a plodder like Kane it looked bad. I think he’ll be fine with Undertaker when they get to that feud, though. He’s more mobile. Big Show was great on commentary adding humor. He also put Swagger over without burying him, which is what they should always do. Swagger got DQ’d but ramming Kane’s ribs into the exposed steel. Way to protect Kane, a guy who barely even gets PPV matches. By the way, love how it took the announcers a minute or so to realize it was exposed when everybody at home already knew. They’re not as stupid as the Raw announcers, but they are close. After it was over, Big Show gave Swagger a chokeslam through the PG table.

Big Show vs. Swagger at Over the Limit. Jack leaves with the belt. Maybe by DQ. The next PPV is Fatal Four Way with the idea that both the World and WWE titles will be defended in four way matches. I’d guess that it’s something like Swagger vs. Show vs. Punk vs. Mysterio or Undertaker there if he’s back for it.

Three Stars of the Show
1. Christian
2. Drew McIntyre
3. CM Punk

7 out of 10
Last week: 6.5

I liked pretty much everything except for the main event and the divas match while MVP/Gallows was just average at best. I thought Drew & Matt did great, the dueling Punk/Rey promo was solid and both IC title matches are the kinds of things I want to see weekly. The main event was pretty bad although they saved it with a good show ending angle.

I have to say I am definitely missing Jericho on this show. More than I thought.

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Keep checking out thejohnreport.net for exclusive articles that are only posted there on my blog. This week I had a blog post about Owen Hart (Friday would have been his 45th birthday), random thoughts on WM26, NXT & TNA and my buddy Andrew Johnson wrote about how WWE is a lot like Lost. Pretty funny read. I’m lazy, but if you check out the upper right corner of the site you’ll see them all there. Bookmark the site, check it regularly and thanks for the continued support.

Thanks for reading. Have a great weekend. Happy Mother’s Day!

John Canton – [email protected]
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