This election, it's OK to yell at your friends
My mother always told me, “If you want to get along with people, avoid discussing politics and religion.”
Generally, this is a good idea, especially when it comes to business. And I’ve learned that, when the topic of politics does arise, sometimes you have to agree to disagree, as frustrating and unfulfilling as that notion can often be.
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But this time, it’s different. This is an election like none that you or I have ever seen in our lifetimes. For that reason, it’s time to do away with the normal rules of civility.
That’s right: I’m telling you to yell at your friends. (Or at least lecture them.)
I’m saying that it’s not a time to hold back: let go, let ’em have it; speak out in the face of adversity, call people names.
Ordinarily, this is not the way I would recommend that anyone conduct themselves. In a civil society, it’s usually important to be — well — civil.
But I’ve found in life that there are only three methods for ever convincing anyone of anything.
The first and often best way is to make them think they came upon it on their own.The second is to win them over with honey, so to speak; to massage them into your view.And the third is to hit them over the head with a hammer — a verbal hammer, that is.
Very good persuaders usually employ all three, sometimes in the same conversation.
But considering all of the misinformation out there at the moment and the real and present danger to our democratic system, I think it’s clear that the hammer is the best way to go. Hammers are good for breaking things, and some people need a verbal hammering to break them out of their intellectual funk or emotional indifference.
If you have friends, relatives or associates who say they are voting for Donald TrumpDonald John TrumpSenate advances public lands bill in late-night vote Warren, Democrats urge Trump to back down from veto threat over changing Confederate-named bases Esper orders ‘After Action Review’ of National Guard’s role in protests MORE or considering doing so, don’t take the path you normally would in such situations: Don’t take it easy on them.
Call them out for being a bigot or ignorant or both. Tell them that you’ll lose respect for them if they follow through. Let them know that this would change your view of them. Don’t let their support of a bigoted, misogynistic, narcissist go unchallenged. Don’t sit on the sidelines. Don’t wait. Don’t sacrifice morals in the name of civility.
There are times to be civil and times not to be. This is a time for abandoning societal norms.
“But couldn’t this just harden them in their views?” you say.
Sure it could. But you give them an out. You give them a way back. You tell them that you know that they’re smarter than that, better than that. You tell them that you’ve always expected more from them.
Also: Be public about it. Let others see you go on the attack — not in a crazy way, but in a firm, yet cogent manner. Hit them with facts and hit them hard. Be unrelenting. It will send a message — a message that more people should be saying more often: This is not OK.
It’s not OK in any way, shape, or form.
“But won’t this cause tension?” you ask. “Couldn’t it lead to me losing friends or having problems with people?”
It might.
But I say, “So what?” Perhaps these friends aren’t friends worth having if they’re willing to support someone who’s said we should ban all Muslims from entering the country; who’s accused Mexico of sending us rapists; who’s bragged about sexually assaulting women; who led the racist “birther” movement; who shows no regard for truth and seems to have no sense of morality; and who now threatens to undermine our very republic by refusing to acknowledge the legitimacy of our electoral system.
Bad people don’t get into power just from those who support them; they also get there through the indifference of those who were unwilling to speak out against them.
This is an election about who we are; about our very essence. It’s an election wherein some friendships ought to be shattered and people should be called out and criticized.
Let people know: What you do here may not only affect our country for many years to come, but it may also affect the way I see you, and perhaps irrevocably so.
If they support a bigot, they’re a bigot, whether they believe so or not. Don’t be afraid to tell them that. Don’t be afraid to put yourself and your beliefs on the line.
We’ve seen demagogues before. No one wanted to admit that they did nothing about Joe McCarthy or Benito Mussolini.
And the last thing you want to have to do is explain to future generations that, when Donald Trump was rising to power — an event you knew would be disastrous — you didn’t say anything because it would’ve been impolite.
Rosenfeld is an educator and historian who has done work for Scribner, Macmillan and Newsweek.
The views expressed by contributors are their own and not the views of The Hill.